I've always had an interest in Star Wars, but to be honest I've never really connected with the first trilogy much. I always thought it was a cool story and found the Jedi & the Sith very fascinating and the lightsaber fights SUPER cool! But that was always where it ended for me. I didn't feel the pull into the fandom, that un-doubtable stirring in the heart.
But then, in 1998, it was announced that a new trilogy was coming. One based on the life of Darth Vader, before his turn to evil. That got me SO intrigued! While there was never much detail on it, the life of Darth Vader was always very emotional, deep and astonishing. It's the kind of thing that makes you go "Wow..." and just marvel, and wonder at what possible could have led someone to become so drastically different from who they once were. And whatever the answer was, you knew it had to be filled with all kinds of emotional climax and action. So I knew this trilogy was gonna be good! And I was excited to see it!
This time it was all different. As I went through the prequel trilogy, something happened to me that hadn't happened before. I felt a click. A real one. On a deeper level. And I knew I'd official hit fangirl status. These movies felt alive to me! They felt relatable! Both Anakin & Padme were in so many ways, things I really wanted to be: courageous, brave, skilled, knowledgeable, accomplished, heroes, adventurers. I loved seeing characters around my own age being so much that I could look up to! They were inspirations to many, in and out of the story. Two people who truly left their mark on the galaxy, forever.
Also, I was so deeply touched by their love story. It touched me that Anakin loved Padme for ten long years, even though he never got to see her. No matter what she was always in his heart. It also touched me that he had the courage to be with her despite the rules & demands of the Jedi lifestyle. It was in no way a convenient relationship, but that never scared him away. The obstacles never mattered because she was more important to him.
Also, it touched me how honorable Padme was to keep her commitment to Anakin after confessing her love, even though their lives continued the same as always after all. She didn't say "Oh, uh, sorry change of plans, I guess since we aren't actually dying today we're still a no-go after all." No. She stayed true and courageously pursued their relationship despite everything. Even to the very end, their choices, their struggles...it all just penetrated my heart.
And Obi-Wan. He's amazing. What more can I say?
Pretty soon I started trying to mingle with other Star Wars fans. I found some nice forum boards on Arwen-Undomiel.com & AAHA. But after a while things seemed to die down, and I felt the Star Wars light within me get lonely and start to fade into the background. For years, it was just a lovely memory that I loved alone.
Then, just the week before last, an online friend of mine mentioned Star
Wars to me (apparently shes a huge fan), and started posting lots of
Anakin & Hayden Christensen on her Instagram. She kept talking about
how much she loved Anakin and his story and how she'd never get over
how tragic it was! And suddenly, I felt something awaken-in me. That old
lonely Star Wars light began to flicker again, and burn brighter than it had
in a long time-and perhaps than it ever had before.
In the next week I watched ep 3, then ep 2, then ep 1. And then I
wanted to just watch them all again (but I didn't wanna annoy my family
so I refrained)! All I wanted to do was watch Star Wars! Then I wanted
to make Star Wars edits. And a Star Wars IG page. And a Star Wars
fansite. And a Star Wars blog. And I did make them all! Star Wars was
falling back into my life, HARD! All of my feelings which had been locked away for so long were awakening!
While all of Star Wars is interesting, Episodes 1-3 are what really live
in my heart. This has made me feel like an outsider in the SW
world though, because it seems like most people who like SW just like it all...
or love the first trilogy & hate the prequels... :/ *sigh* So I've
experienced quite a bit of anxiety about trying to step foot back
into the fandom at all for fear of being blasted to bits and thrown
right back out. But it's ok. I'll
just do what I can to enjoy it on my own, for now. If I reach out, and
wait, I know I will find other friends to connect with the prequels about. :)
If you are also a serious prequels era fan, then please contact me so we can be friends. ^^
To whoever may have stumbled upon my page, thanks for reading! And may the force be with you, now, & forever~
-Ah Nah*
